COMMUNICATIONS/COMPUTER TERMS:

 

AC/DC:  A boy/girl combo.

 

Addressing:  Thousand Island , Blue Cheese, Italian, etc.

 

Amp:  An insect you find at picnics.

 

Amplifier:  A flying amp.

 

ASCII:  Something that fits on the foot of a skier.

 

Attenuation:  The male aftermath of a sexual encounter.

 

Bandpass:  A ticket to get you into a concert.

 

Baudot:  Bridget's last name.

 

BC:  Before Computers.

 

Bit:  What the mosquito did to you.

 

Bleeding Resistor:  A resistor who lost her first battle.              

 

Buffer:  Used for floor shining, car polishing, etc.

 

Byte:  What a pit bulldog does.

 

Clear:  Not the sky over LA !

 

Cobra Judy:  A female heavy into S & M.

 

Cobra Dane:  A big dog with one "helluva" bite!

 

Coil:  A female anti-baby device.

 

Commonality:  All of your friends have slept with your fiancée !

 

Conductor:  A person who drives a train.

 

Countdown:  This little piggy went to market, etc.

 

Coupling:  Ohh Boy !!

 

Crypto:  Where toes are buried.

 

Crystal:  The blonde on Dynasty

 

Deflection:  Using a chastity belt.

 

Delay Line:  The checkout counter at the commissary.

 

Dummy Load:  A 2nd Lieutenant.

 

Equipment Failure:  When your get-up-and-go  got-up-and-went.

 

Flash:  What dirty old men do.

 

Flux:  What the birds and bees do!

 

FM:  Female/Male stuff.

 

Forward Error Correction:  Canceling a blind date.

 

Gas Laser:  A lover who just ate a lot of beans.

 

Getter:  What a guy tries to do in the back seat of his car.

 

Ground:  Dark brown stuff you make coffee with.

 

Height Finder:  The scales in a doctors office.

 

Hertz:  What happens if the frequency is too great.

 

Hopper:  What the boy toad did to the girl toad.

 

Hotline:  Practiced story used to pick up a girl !

 

Hyperbola:  A freaked out snake.

 

Idle Channel Noise:  A 2nd Lieutenant at a staff meeting.

 

Integrated Systems:  Bob & Carol, Ted & Alice.

 

Interference:  Two women after the same guy.

 

Jamming:  Trying to fit some of your clothes into your wife's closet.

 

Jumper:  What the male frog did to the female frog.

 

Keypunch:  A machine that makes holes in keys.

 

Kilohertz:  A pain stopper.

 

Laser Threshold:  When the "Ohh no don'ts" change to "Ohhhhh!".

 

Landline:  A hotline that worked.

 

Laser:  What the groom does.

 

Light waves:  Not worth surfing on!

 

Load:  10 pounds of stuff in a 5 pound bag.

 

Lobe:  The part of a girls ear where she puts rings.

 

Local Oscillator:  LA bisexual.

 

Maintenance:  A fancy word for janitor.

 

Mass Explosion:  A giant crowd of people passing gas.

 

Microwave:  A metal box that cooks things.

 

Mixers:  Coke, Ginger Ale, Tonic Water, Club Soda, etc.

 

Modem:  What the little moron did to his toes with his lawnmower.

 

Multiplexing:  Listening to conversations at a bridge party.

 

Multivibrator:  What two lesbians use.

 

Navaids:  Band-Aids used to repair navigational equipment.

 

Negative Feedback:  When your pride and joy is called a peanut.

 

Normalization:  A "sex change" operation???

 

Off Hook:  What a fish tries to get.

 

Ohm Meter:  A nest of termites in your wall !!

 

On Line:  A female that's been hooked.

 

Orbit:  Where you go when you take "speed".

 

Orderwire:  Telephones at a takeout restaurant.

 

Paper Tape Punch:  Punch made from paper tape.

 

Parallel:  Two L's side by side.

 

Pentode:  A five legged toad.

 

Phase Jitter:  Dancing to "50s" music.

 

Pi Network:  A national chain of bakeries.

 

Polygrid:  A substance that holds in your false teeth.

 

POM:  A fluffy thing that cheerleaders wave.

 

Probe:  What a guy tries to do to a girl.

 

Proton:  What you find a lot of in meat.

 

Queues:  What you shoot pool with.

 

Radiation:  "Vibes" at a singles bar.

 

Random Noise Generator:  The Exec Officer at a staff meeting.

 

Releaser:  A bondsman.

 

Reperforator:  An all-night male lover.

 

Resistance:  An aspirin held firmly between the knees.

 

Resistor:  An uncooperative female.

 

Ripple:  A brand of cheap wine.

 

Ripple Current:  Your blood flow after you drink Ripple.

 

Satellite:  A glowing horse seat.

 

Sawtooth:  A dental extraction method used in the 30s.

 

Secret:  A brand of deodorant.

 

Semi-conductor:  A train drivers assistant.

 

SHF:  Super Homely Female.

 

Silicon:  Mammary transforming substance.

 

Sine Wave:  Something a deaf interpreter does.

 

Skynet:  Something "Spiderman" uses.

 

SOW:  Critter that goes "oink".

 

Speed:  A drug that's supposed to make you go faster.

 

Spread Spectrum:  A ballet dancer doing the split.

 

Tool Crib:  A place for young, sleepy tools.

 

Top Secret:  A deodorant that FBI agents use.

 

Tracals:  What Autobon owl watchers do.

 

Transformer:  Dr. Rene Richards.

 

Transistor:  A sister that used to be a brother.

 

Transmitter:  Joan Rivers.

 

User:  One who consumes "mind awareness" vitamins.

 

White Noise:  A Caucasian climax.

 

Zener:  Having gazed upon a girl.